Employment Wanted

I'm not normally one for self pity, however, weather it's the winter blues or just a collapse in self-belief I don't know.

I've started a new drive to find employment. I've taken the fact I'm blind out of my CV, so that can't go against me. But, I'm still getting nowhere, I know there's something silly like 100+ candidates going for every job that's advertised – it just seems like the world doesn't want me to work at this time.

I'm not one for giving up easily. When you've been out of education for seven years and no “employment history” it does make you regret a few choices. The first being, leaving school at sixteen thinking that you'd have an equal chance in the employment market as any other sixteen-year-old.

Well why did you do it if you regret it? Because, firstly I didn't know I was going to regret it then or I'd not of done it. Secondly, at the time, I was coming home from school to telephone interviews. My thinking at the time was If I'm getting Telephone Interviews just now, it's only a case of time before I get a face-to-face interview – and I did. I had the grand total of five in the first two years.

Since these I've had nothing other than a self induced sense of narcissistic self belief and ability. Now, it's got to the point where the match sticks that hold up this large ego are flexing and showing their weakness. It is scary for someone like me to get to the point where they are questioning their genuine position in life and my abilities. Will I let these flexing slithers of wood break? Of course not, I'll ignore the bending and splintering and carry on with life pricking myself on the splinters every now and again to remind me that they are still there.

What can I do? Give up? Doing this serves no other purpose except declaring myself a failure. Becoming one of the people in life that I dislike, the leaches of society that don't try (even if it is futile). Some may say trying is never futile, if you don't try you're name can't even be on the table to be considered. When your name is on just about every recruiter's desk (so it seems) trying feels like an effort filled step too far.

Why not go back to education and make yourself more appealing to recruiters? This is simple, I don't know what I want to do – other than, something. You're not going to become a drifter are you? Not intentionally anyway, I want to work doing something.

When you consider that around seventy-five percent of blind people are unemployed it gives you very little belief that the wall will ever fall. It's easy to say, “people won't give me a job because I'm blind and they have a stereotypical view of me because of my impairment.” but only one percent of registered blind people are totally blind.

To summate, I feel like I'm in a canyon and keep popping my head over the lip to find I'm still in a desert. But, I keep marching on, catching myself upon rocks every so often in hope I'll find an oasis – with the obligatory mirages on the way.

Road Safety - Why's The Driver The Scape-goat?

Why are there laws for drivers/riders but not pedestrians?

It is a driver's duty to keep an eye out for people crossing; children playing at the side of the road and other road users.

If two (or more) vehicles crash, the police look for fault to make the right person pay for the crime if one's been committed.

But, if a person is knocked down because they weren't paying “due care and attention” (providing they don't die) aren't convicted. If a person sustains injuries because of poor clothing choices, they're not liable to the same rules as a driver would be if they were to drive with no lights on. If a cyclist cycles with headphones on and riders right over a junctions with no change in speed to allow for something unexpected to pop out; they're not punished.

My point is, why should it be all up to drivers? We are responsible for our own actions, if you choose to wear dark clothes it's your problem if you get hit by a car at night. Humans have variable levels of vision but none are known to have infra red capability. The driver my not have physical injuries after a collision but most will suffer some sort of psychological impact. Where is justice for them? Intension of causing injury isn't there but a lack of duty of care to the driver's mental well-being has been missed.

If a driver sadly dies but is at fault, they're not convicted. Why shouldn't this apply to a pedestrian? Maybe, just maybe, if pedestrians were accountable for their own actions – people would take more care crossing roads, in their choices of clothing and overall behaviour around roads.

My suggestions might seem mad, but if we are all tide by laws that make us take more care, surely this will make roads safer for all users?

If you have a ship controlled by a blind person and another my a sighted person, what one is at fault if they collide. The weather is perfect, both vessels are in top working order and there's no mitigating circumstances other than, one ship has no eyes looking out?

Exactly, the one with eyes looking for risk factors.

But, the sighted captained doesn't know there's nobody looking out.

If there was a sighted person looking out on both vessels, then they could both take actions – change course or speed to avoid the incident.

My point isn't about blind people not being in control of sea going craft but, two alert people can make changes to their behaviours to avoid an incident.

Coming Out - Advice/Story Not For Everyone

An important thing about coming out is, it is different for everyone but there will be similarities for us all!

1) Unless you're ready to come out, don't even try it!

2) Once you are ready, make sure you could survive with nobody. It's unlikely to happen, but it does. I always say prepare for the worse hope for the best and you'll land somewhere in between. It's hard to loose people at anytime of your life. However, it's not as bad if you expect it.

When I came out, I did it in a sneaky way. I told my sister knowing she'd tell my mum. In turn who would tell my dad. This is how it went. When my dad and I were in the car going to a football match (soccer) he asked me about it. At 70 mph going along the motorway there's not too many options for escape, I did the grown up thing and denied it and said it must have been a figment of my mum's imagination. He took this and said no more.

A few weeks, maybe months after I e-mailed him explaining it all. At first he was scared for me, unsure where that left his identity and our relationship.

I reassured him that I was the same person, still thought he was a knob like any child thinks of their parents and happy to take his money:).

I wont deny, it also took a lot of hard work for both of us to restore our relationship. But it was never the same. Not because there was an elephant in the room but because there were no more secrets. I've been lucky, very lucky, coming out has brought my dad and I closer. Our relationship is better by far than what it was in the past.

3. Telling people, make sure that you're in control of how fast people find out.

If you know somebody will open their mouth by accident or not, don't tell them! Start with the one person that will never leave you until you die, yourself. Tell yourself that you're Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender. See how it feels when you call yourself this.

4. Tell your family first. But who do I tell first? If you know you're family well, choose the person who will react the worst. This sounds really backward, they'll freakout, go nuts tell nobody. But with any luck it will make a bad feeling between you that others will pick up on. When people ask 'what's wrong?”, that's your chance to tell them. You want the bad feeling from the other person, so the unknowing person will be inclined to automatically sympathise with you. Once you tell them, it will be harder emotionally for that person to be against you, unless they're homophobic in the first place. If this goes as planned you've then got a team mate! Tell the Next person, and the next and the next.

5) Ultimately it's your life, live it as you see fit. As long as it's not illegal and your safe. Let people judge. It doesn't mean you have to accept their verdict.

If anyone says this way is bad and so are the mind games that are invovled, please take not of the title before putting it down.

God, Love, Faith And Equality

I use “God” to mean a life force or being that is the patron of something like, Dionysus with wine and partying or Hera with home and marriage. Not just the Bible God.

God is an abstract being. The belief in God is shared by many. To all those that believe in God he is real but is interpreted differently as is his manifestation.

Love is an emotion, an abstract. It is only real to those that have experienced it. Love is shared by many and they believe in it. There's people in the world that don't know what love is, and don't believe it's true because they've never experienced it.

In both cases God and love, just because a person doesn't believe in it doesn't make it any less valid for the people that do.

I can't hold up a photo graph of God and say this is God. I can show you a photo of me practicing my beliefs and say This is how I show God is real to me. I can show you a photo of me and my soon to be wife battering lumps out of each other for a laugh and you'd not think we “love” each other. However, if I show you us on our wedding day holding hands and sharing a kiss, it'd be a different story. For us love is present in both photo's. But, in both you can't see love. You see what signs of love we share. Context is a massive part in life.

If you have to preach a faith or love it doesn't make it anymore real for none believers. It only validates it more in the minds of those that believe in it. If anything it widens the gap between people that don't share a faith – (weather it be, they don't have one or have a different one).

Faith hinders true human equality, if we didn't have a multitude of faiths then we'd all be equal. But, we do have many faiths, as humans we need to work on equality regardless of our own faith. Stop throwing mud at other humans that have different beliefs from us. Slamming a Christian because they believe homosexuality isn't equality. It's in equality. Equality allows us all to have our own thoughts, feelings and personalities. By virtue, if you slam someone for their thoughts etc you're stopping them having equality. You may not agree with their opinions and wish to find out more about their bases. However, it doesn't make their choices any less valid than yours. We are all humans, we are all different. Equality is all about being different and not being judged upon those differences. At least that's what it means to me. It may not be the dictionary definition but the dictionary is a rule book for words. Language is fluid like it moves and develops new directions.

For true equality we don't need faiths but we need to embrace the fact that everyone has their own version of faith.  

Interview: With Alternative Rock Band - Under A Banner

So, with no further ado, here are the “inspired” questions I put to Under A Banner and Adam's very open responses.

Q: Who would you consider yourself to be similar to, or are you that alternative that you can't size yourselves up against any mainstream artists?

“We have been variously compared to Frank Turner, The Levellers and New

Model Army to name just a few.  I'm aware of the last two (we've even

supported N.M.A) but, still to this day, I've never heard any Frank

Turner.  I always tell people we're a mostly acoustic blend of what we feel

has been the best alternative music of the last 40 or so years.”

Q: Other than general life and your emotions, who or what inspires your music?

“Nature in all its majesty is a big inspiration, as are politics, people

and thousands of other emotions and abstractions.  I respond lyrically to

anything and everything that's worthy.”

Q: Do you feel as a two person band you're taken any less serious?

“Although Jonny and I are the core of the band, we almost always, play as

a full band, with electric as well as acoustic instruments. These include

guitars, keys and violin.”

Q: What are your musical aspirations; do you want to headline at a major music festival or is it all about the music not the “being known” that's important?

“Whilst it is primarily about the music, we'd love to play some big

music festivals and large venues around the world. The chief ambition is

to play music for a living.”

Q: Time for a cheesy one! If you could perform with anyone either live or recorded, whom would you choose and why?

“Honestly, I'd love to perform with a 10 piece orchestra like one of my

favourite bands Ambrozijn. I'd also like to record with the

backing of celtic harpists and an Indonesian Gamelan orchestra!”

Q: Finally, what special message have you got for the world?

“I think that artists with special moral messages sometimes have

questionable motives; they sometimes share these to assuage their guilt.

It would be arrogant of me to try and tell people how to behave. It would

be great if folks could just be nice to one another.  Beyond that, eat

fresh fruit and veg, read a lot and listen to Under A Banner ;)”

Brilliant answers, and hopefully the questions weren't to cheesy.

To find out where Under A Banner are playing and hear some of their great music head to their website, NOW!

They frequently Tweet freebie tracks and links to their great work too - @UnderABanner. They're now on Facebook too. 

Poem: That Peaceful Moment or Joyous Banter

In that one moment in everyday when all falls dead

Do we keep the serenity and leave the play and joking to the birds in the surrounding trees

Maybe it'd be more appropriate to join them in their jolly banter and larking

Rolling and flapping with out nest mate

Chirping and screeching as we hop and bounce

Just like the birds we can be heard from far but

People don't come to see us even though we are just as natural as the eagle and swan.

My Attempts At Tanka Poetry

The aim is to have no rhyme, I was board and thought why not try a little LGBTQIA and the rest of the letter poetry, to fill out this Sunday evening - here's my attempts

She put on his, dress

Then danced all night with her, man's lover

He, wasn't Into her kind

They both knew it, was a lie

Their lips would never mention it though

She bought him some trousers

She could wear them with no, questions

It'd be harder if mirrored

She loved her, like he loved her

Words not to exchange just meaningful deep looks

They were opposites, but repelled

Love was never likely to happen here

Man, man and women, women

They're both the same but completely polar

When together with another one, despair relents

DVD vs Blu-Ray My Views

Some may say it's because I'm a skin flint but others would say and correctly it's because I was sceptical about the hype.

However, I've now upgrade to Blu-Ray.

Why? As a blind person you'd think it'd be pointless upgrading but – I retain some functional vision and with this I can see the difference between DVD and Blu-Ray. Also there seems to be a substantial difference in audio quality too.

With DVD the colours are more pronounce, vivid and bold. Although you know they are real people, you also know the colours aren't quite natural.

With Blu-Ray, the colours are less of everything above thereby giving a more natural look. The increased resolution gives a much sharper and window like image.

The audio is slightly less tiny. I know this can be down to the equipment the audio comes out of but, with DVD, I found the sound levels weren't set the same way as with Blu-Ray.

Since it's been sometime now after the launch of Blu-Ray you can get a reasonable Blu-Ray player for roughly the same price as a good DVD player. The best deals as ever are to be had on the usual sites eBay and Amazon and such like.

Of course, to put my claims to test you can buy a triple play movie and compare the quality between, DVD/Blu-Ray and Digital (on the computer).

Now, with Blu-Ray Player and an external Blu-Ray drive you can now even play Blu-rays on Mac.

Wedding Part... Second Last Bit...

As I write this it's fifteen weeks and four days to “the big day”.

In the past few weeks we've finalised a plan as far as we know what we want exactly now. We've still got to work out timings and other minor stuff.

We've got a photographer, videographer and registry office all booked. The dresses bought and all the accessories to be bought but these are already decided upon. The transport is agreed upon just to book it (this coming week) – oh, and not forgetting the rings! These will be got next week. We were going to get bespoke rings but with the limited budget and short time left it'd just be another thing to worry about. We may however get bespoke rings when we get normal married in 2015 :)

We've reverted to the “medieval” sort of style, if you don't know what this is then either look it up or stay tuned for photographs in 16ish weeks time!

Lee Richardson Videographer

Chris Parkins Photographer

Dress Maker

Wedding All Change

Don't worry we're not calling it all off and going our own way! 

The new outfit plan is a Prince Charley style blouse with the flared cuffs a black waist coat green tartan skirt (not kilt) with black tights and brogues.

It looks so much better than our first "get up" which would of been over kill for a reg office and more formal than jeans etc!

However, the dilemma now is. Since i was a small kid I've never 'done' the whole pretty dresses and stuff. So, for me to wear a skirt out is like "just punch me in the stomach". 

I have been trying to revamp my wardrobe and make it slightly more overly feminine for ages but revert to my comfort clothes. I can't bring myself to dispose of all my favourite "garbs". 

It's not like I'm even bothered about my figure or appearance. It seems to be a mental block!

I should maybe point out - yes, we were going to wear dresses in the first instance but that was different because the skirt was long (makes no sense I know!). We, decided we want the skirts to be just above the knee because Maxi skirts in tartan wouldn't look so good and anything in-between would be even worse!


I'm super fine with make-up, heals and pretty tops but really need some help with this.

So, any one that has faced this, have you got any advice!