Junk Mail Could Save Your Skin!

As I brushed my hair readying it to be sprayed with heat protection before blow drying it for bed, I had one of my frequent depressing thoughts. It was triggered by my partner messing around with their Phillips Hue Colour bulb attempting to get the colour and brightness just right so they could relax and wind-down for bed.

 

Now, state benefits and pension payments are paid directly into an account, these payments could mount up with nobody realising. We also now have direct debits fairly universally for paying our utilities, these too can continue as long as the state keeps adding to the account. Presuming that the debits never exceed the account credit – you could leave that side of personal finance well alone and it would go on indefinitely. Actually, it’s less of a presumption and more a fact, since this is what I do. Also, since there would be money coming and going from the account, I doubt it would be flagged as being inactive. Now, this is where the smart-bulb comes to play.

 

With home automation becoming more affordable to most in society, we can enjoy not having to open curtains/drapes; turn lights on and off; vacuum floors; turn plugs on and off etc. Another advantage is you can make your home look reasonably lived in even when it’s unoccupied. This combined with the above paragraph would essentially allow you to maintain your home while you were off travelling the world. If you’re a fairly isolated person with no real routines outside of your home – this would also allow you to die in peace and decay without anyone finding your body for many years.

 

I voiced this theory with my partner and they agreed. Then I realised, perhaps the detailed orientated neighbour might notice you’ve not put your rubbish out for collection in a while. Partner then pointed out that if you live in a multi-story building you might have a rubbish-chute which would mean – no rubbish bin to be observed. Moreover, sending a big truck to pick-up rubbish from people’s homes seems fairly cumbersome and not very efficient way of doing things so could possibly change in the future. So, there may once again be no wheelie bin to observe.

 

I considered the GP surgery noticing. However, as we live longer and the positive effects of the healthier lives a lot of us now lead compared to prior generations our illness frequency should reduce too. Why would a practice worry about a silent patient who hasn’t been around for a few years, they’re super busy after all. I know at my local practice it has nearly 10,000 patients on the books. This is all very bleak isn’t it?

 

Here’s some more bleakness for you! As we increasingly move to electronic communication such as email our actual mail goes down. Except for junk mail! I’ve heard stories of people lying dead for months and the only reasons the neighbours knew anything was wrong, was because of mail piling up or spilling from the letter flap on the door. Perhaps signing up to all those mailing lists for garden centres and supermarkets could stop your skeleton being found and instead just your decomposed remains :D – if you don’t like this thought very much, a mail catcher could have you in a mortuary a few weeks quicker. In the meantime make all the junk mail into briquettes and use them instead of charcoal for BBQ’s and hope all those pesky marketing companies don’t listen to you and stop spamming your door matt.

 

Off to sleep now, sleep well!